Category Archives: Zombie Apocalypse

Never Off Zombies

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For years we went steady, but this summer I broke up with zombies.

Me: It’s totally you. You’re just all over the place, and it’s pissing me off.

Zombies: Grrrrarrgghgbh *hand swipes*

Me: *shotgun* Me and my boomstick got better things to do, Zed.

Having settled that score, I moved onto the Post-Apocalypse.

Me: Goddamn but I’m just tired of the way people romanticize you.

Post-Apocalypse: It will be so nice! There will be no tacit caste system. You can stop being mad about people driving Lexuses while children live in soul-destroying poverty.

Me: Money is a made up idea.  I don’t need an apocalypse, I need comprehensive tax reform. Maybe socialism. I need to move to Canada. *slinks off*

It was the result of a number of life changes. I had turned thirty. My dude was looking to get a real job. Reality had never seemed so real. I started to realize that, judging from the average age of the post-apocalyptic heroine, I was too old for that shit. Cue your sax solo. I got sick and had to come to terms with the fact that my body is a frickin’ fragile ecosystem. There are a few surgeries under my belt, and I’m unashamed to say I’m less into blood sport as a result. Despite my years of batting cage experience (I have a wicked swing) a few seasons of The Walking Dead have mostly destroyed my desire to hit zombies (or anything really) in the head. Mostly.

It’s a little bit of a tangent, but I will tell you the difference between baseball and The Walking Dead. Baseball fills me with a sense of joy and community. Its terms, familiar and loving, describe a team competition in which everyone’s goal is to “go home.” If you think it’s boring, you’ve failed to understand why sitting outside for hours drinking beer, enjoying the camaraderie of your fellow man while appreciating the most civilized sport is nice. That is to say you are wrong.

The Walking Dead is a blunt instrument that bludgeons you with its obvious disdain for any belief you might have that human beings are basically good. Every episode I watch drives me into a nihilistic funk. The show concerns a team competition where everyone’s goal is to not die or be tortured by a creep. Man is the real monster. Spoiler alert: Nobody wins. Christ, can I break up with that theme too?

I was ready for a change. I found myself reading more optimistic scifi and more macabre thrillers. To me, the enjoyment of consuming zombie media was tied up in my desire for a certain progress of well-tread horror plot emotional response. I wanted to fear, to run, to overcome. But that catharsis requires neither zombies nor a post-apocalypse.

The funniest part of this is that the book that got me back on zombies doesn’t offer the standard emotional plot structure I am accustomed to. In fact, Coulson Whitehead’s Zone One bears a very faint resemblance* to The Walking Dead, in that it questions the likelihood that the post-apocalypse would be the happy reset button utopia you were dreaming of. Reading on, what you are treated to is a gorgeous retreatment of the zombie post-apocalypse.

Zone One depicts a shattered America where everyone has a different “Last Night” story. For our protagonist/narrator Mark, Last Night was bursting into his parents’ room to find his mother eating his father’s guts out in a grotesque parody of another mortifying memory.  He discovers them, in flagrante delicto, arrived home from a trip to Atlantic City, returning to his suburban home only to find the zombie apocalypse already in progress. May I add that Last Night is such a lovely and writerly touch, such a well-chosen phrase. I delighted in Whitehead’s prose, though of course, when a Macarthur fellow writes about zombies you are bound to wind up spoiled.

It’s a quick read, 272 pages that cover 3 days in Mark’s life as a “Sweeper,” part of a team of armed civilians working their way through a chosen section of Manhattan, cleaning up straggler zombies as they go. You can get it at your library.

Spoiler alert: There isn’t much in way of a catharsis, but maybe we all need to stop looking for those wherever the zombies are.

Stay well and stay well-read,

Linds

*Zone One reminds you that the post-apocalypse cannot be what you want it to be. The Walking Dead PUNISHES you for ever having been such a dummy as to want that in the first place.

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Filed under Babes in the Woods, General Apocalypse, Zombie Apocalypse

World War Z’s First Trailer

Our esteemed colleagues at Io9 object to the lack of zombie marketing, but I’m going to tell you why the absence of zombie talk is music to my ears.

1. There are too many #$&(% zombie things out there lately. The market is saturated, and if semi-pro geek moi is tired of it, you can bet that both seasoned nerds and the mainstream have some feelings as well.

2. World War Z isn’t a traditional zombie story. When I read it for the first time, I was reminded of nothing so much as HBO’s Band of Brothers, or Schindler’s List. What makes the book compelling is that it’s a collection of anecdotes and viewpoints from various survivors of World War Z, which if you don’t know, I realize now, I should explain refers to World War Zombie. In the book, we get a worldview of a complete zombie apocalypse. There are stories from France, Japan, and China, as well as from the States, stories of long-term resistance and survival. It’s RICH, THICK, and dare I say, MEATY.

3. Honestly, I am just so stoked about this movie, and the delicacy with which they are handling the zed stuff is totally exciting to me. Can you imagine, a delicate handling of zombie materials? WE LIVE IN THE GOLDEN AGE OF GENRE, FOOLS. So many and varied are the stylistic offerings that we can have true critical debates.

Have you read World War Z? How do you feel about zombies these days? I’m going to go see Warm Bodies this weekend, so clearly when I say I am tired of it, what I mean is the opposite.

I want to spend my life with a girl like you,

Lindsay

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Filed under Linds, Movies, Video, Zombie Apocalypse

Fallout Friday

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Gals, you always have to have an exit strategy particularly in the event of the apocalypse. Get Cover profiles 7 places to ride out the apocalypse, whether you’re interested in investing in a fallout shelter or want to annex the bunker built for Congress. Happy Fallout Friday.

– Linds

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Filed under Babes in the Woods, General Apocalypse, Zombie Apocalypse

Your Own Lady Nerd Haven

The term is “happy home” and for all of us, little decor touches can make a space happier, sassier, and nerdier. Let’s get our geek nest on, ladies. Your home can be a sanctuary that reflects who you are, your tastes, your desire to travel the stars in the Tardis, or your preparedness for the zombie apocalypse.

Further, in our social lives, our homes can serve as a way to evaluate new friends. There comes a critical moment in every lady nerd’s relationship where she invites her prey (date) to her lair (walk-up). Visual cues are key- let your nerd flag fly with style. Here are some home decor items that will provoke discussion and hopefully let you evaluate your date’s own nerd cred. – Linds

Nerd Decor

1.  A practical end table can serve multiple purposes and send a strong message.

2.  Robot wall decals give a tinge of quirkiness, and offer you the opportunity to ingratiate yourself to our robot overlords.

3.  Get a rug! A wampa makes a cozy floor covering, or invite some friends over to complete your jigsaw persian.

4.  Dr. Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar.

5.  Deck your walls with travel posters from alien worlds and fantasy landscapes.

6.  Make your own terrarium with dinosaurs or fantastical creatures. World building for the win.

7.  Throw pillows with your own style sensibility.

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Filed under decor, Firefly, Robots, SciFi, Star Wars, Totoro, Zombie Apocalypse